In Something Else, we propose alternate plotlines for notoriously underwhelming films.
Star Wars Episode II: The Fall of the Old Republic
The galaxy stands on the brink of crisis. Following the Senate’s abolition of slavery, star systems and whole sectors along the Mid-Rim and Outer Rim threaten to secede from the Galactic Republic, ending a thousand years of peace and harmony. Supplied and armed by the corporations of the Corporate Sector Authority, these Separatist worlds threaten to undermine the entire Republic economy and throw the starlanes into chaos.
With much of the Republic military blockading Separatist worlds, it falls upon the Jedi to enforce the Abolition Decree. Meanwhile young Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker has returned to his home planet of Tatooine. There, with the help of the antislavery militia known as Freedom’s Sons, Skywalker and Master Obi-Wan Kenobi move to liberate the notorious Dune Sea slave camp from the vicious Tusken Raiders…
The second chapter begins with a nighttime battle between Freedom’s Sons soldiers and the Tusken Raiders. Anakin (Hayden Christensen) and Obi-Wan (Ewan McGregor) lead the charge towards a slave camp holding slaves of many different species. Anakin fights with a savage ferocity, literally cutting a swath through the Raiders, until he pulls the camp’s gates open with the Force.
After the battle, he tells a young Nikto boy that the Republic represents the freedom to be the hero you want to be. As he talks, Major Carlist Rieekan (William Russ) approaches and informs him, “The Tuskens have fled into the Jundland Wastes, General. They’re finished.” Obi-Wan hears, too, and tells Anakin they’re wanted back on Coruscant.
At the Jedi Temple, Council members Mace Windu, Qui-Gon Jinn, and Yoda debate the continued use of Jedi Knights to enforce the Decree. Jinn and Windu believe the Jedi should have become involved in abolition long ago, while Yoda and Senate liaison Cos Palpatine (Ian McDiarmond) take the other side. “Wrong slavery may be,” Yoda asserts, “But political enforcers the Jedi are not.”
When Skywalker and Kenobi interrupt, Jinn explains they are needed to intercept a Corporate Sector Authority shipment of Shroud starfighters in the Corellia system. “The ships are powered by midichlorians,” Windu explains. “Each one could take out a Republic cruiser by itself.” A hologram shows that the Shroud fighters resemble TIE Interceptors. “We can’t risk alerting the Separatists with a show of force,” Windu tells them. “Do not let the CSA deliver the fighters.”
As the two Jedi embark for the Corellian system, they see a legion of clone troopers drilling in a city plaza. “Artificial men fighting for freedom,” Skywalker observes. “It defies reason.”
“We need their numbers to fight the Corporate Sector’s droid armies,” Kenobi reflects. “If indeed war comes.”
“War is coming, Master,” Skywalker says. “I have foreseen it in my dreams.”
On Corellia, the two Jedi find the Shroud fighters in a deserted arena, guarded by Separatist activist Dooku (Gary Oldman) and his henchman, Darth Maul (Ray Park). A CSA protocol droid is just completing the sale. “Dooku,” Obi-Wan exclaims. “The first Jedi expelled from our Order in over a thousand years.”
Several droids bring a hooded prisoner into the arena. Dooku pulls back the hood, revealing Padme Amidala (Nathalie Portman). “Kill her,” Dooku says. Maul steps forward, igniting his dual-blade lightsaber. Anakin jumps into the arena, blocking Maul’s swing and saving Amidala’s life. Kenobi follows, engaging Dooku in a fierce lightsaber duel. Anakin easily dispatches Maul, but Dooku wounds Kenobi and flees in a Shroud. The other fighters launch and follow Dooku.
Amidala explains she’s come to Corellia with Alderaan senator Bail Organa (Hugh Jackman) to investigate smuggling in the Galactic Core. At her hotel room high over Coronet City, the Senator arrives and thanks Anakin for his rescue. “I’d be lost without her,” Organa says, much to Anakin’s resentment. “We both owe you our lives.”
Back on Coruscant, Palpatine and Jinn watch as the Republic Senate votes to prevent seccession with military force if necessary. “This is the end of liberty,” Jinn says. “This is the death of the Old Republic.” Palpatine seems unaffected. “We live in extreme times,” he says.
On Corellia, a Rodian mercenary named Nariq tells Anakin’s group that the missing starfighters were taken into the vast network of underground catacombs known as the Selonian Tunnels. “Some of those tunnels cut straight through the planet,” he says. “Dooku could get away and no one would know where.”
Venturing into the tunnels, the group is ambushed by Dooku, who brags that the fighters will rendezvous with a CSA carrier and march on Coruscant. “The Republic that lasted a thousand years will be conquered in a day,” he tells them. As he speaks the Shrouds launch. Anakin catches up to the last one, hurling its pilot to the ground and flying after the other fighters.
A long dogfight in the tunnels ends with Anakin exiting Corellia through the planet’s south pole, heading towards the CSA carrier. He flies along the prow of the ship and launches its midichlorian payload directly at the bridge. The resulting explosion almost consumes him, but he pilots free of the blast. Meanwhile Kenobi fights Dooku again, but Dooku falls through a weakened floor plate and disappears.
Later, the group meets up on Organa’s personal starship, where they learn the Separatists have declared war on the Republic. “Your vision was correct,” Obi-Wan tells Anakin. “I take no joy in that, Master,” Anakin replies, fuming at the familiarity Organa shares with Padme. As the ship approaches Coruscant they see the Republic armada, an endless line of Venator-class Star Destroyers, eclipsing the planet in its shadow.
-Michael Kabel
